Four Steps to a Healthy Divorce

Once the holidays are over many people choose to start the divorce process. January is known as the busiest time of year for divorce professionals, but for couples, it can be the beginning of a long (and often expensive) journey to the next chapter of their lives. Having a healthy divorce may seem like an oxymoron, but they happen every day for a growing percentage of savvy soon-to-be exes who reject the notion that lawyers, and litigation are tools they need.  These couples see the bigger picture, and hefty retainers, increased conflict, and on-going court appearances are not part of it.

The thoughtful, sensible approach of today’s divorcing couples has changed dramatically over the last decade. People realize how damaging and expensive divorce can be, and they are placing more importance on protecting their emotional and financial health, and that of their children. The more educated you are the beginning, the better your process and recovery will be. Here are some things you can do to improve the health of your divorce.

Educate yourself

To be gently blunt, your divorce and the outcome are your responsibility. Understanding your financial picture and knowing the laws in your state are critical to your negotiations and the outcome. Advice from family and friends is nice, but there is no substitute for gathering expert information. Every State’s domestic relations laws are available online along with blogs, articles and websites of skilled and experienced professionals. Too many people approach their divorce without basic knowledge increasing their chances of making costly mistakes. 

Don’t give your emotions the keys to the Ferrari

Emotionally driven actions or decisions often come with regret. Many of the highly charged emotions that come out in a divorce are the result of long-standing resentment or frustration, but this is not the time to try and change the past. Avoid having discussions, negotiating or making decisions (or assumptions) when emotions are high. Stress relieving activities and or counseling can be a life (or divorce) saver.

Use mediation, rather than attorneys

Being heard, feeling validated and coming away with a fair settlement build the foundation of life after divorce. Couples want to be the ones making the decisions that will impact their lives and mediation provides that. Mediation also allows couples to explore all their options before making final decisions and, if they have children, create a healthy plan for co-parenting. Maintaining control, and creating their own settlements and parenting plans are all benefits that make up the 85% or greater success and satisfaction rate of mediation.

Seek constructive legal guidance

Unrealistic expectations combined with high emotions are the perfect storm for a difficult (and expensive) divorce. Legal advice is useful when it helps clarify the law and expose those unrealistic expectations, but advice that further divides a couple will not serve either spouse well in the end. Attorneys who are mediation-friendly are the best resources because they provide information that can be used in mediation to reach an agreement.