Marital Homes are typically the most important asset couples must agree on when they divorce, and the decision is not always black and white.

There are two factors that influence the decision couples ultimately make about their home: their children, and whether either of them can afford the home on a single income. Hanging on to a marital home can be important if the couple has children close to graduation, and the decision may be easy if one or both spouses can afford the home. But, what about when affordability is in question? Can one spouse buy out the other? Should you sell?

Staying versus selling

Staying versus selling the home is a big decision and both have benefits and consequences. In the current real estate climate, where monthly rents are equal to or greater than median mortgage payments, selling a home can be more of a risk than staying. When considering selling and factoring in realtor commissions, moving costs and security deposits, and what each spouse may net in profit, selling may not be beneficial, or wise. There are also financial implications if the couple obtained down-payment assistance from HUD or borrowed it from family, and, if the home is sold prior to the five-year residency requirement for owner-occupied property, a capital gains tax can further complicate finances and taxes.

Since opening my practice 14 years ago both divorce and the decisions couples make, have changed. Divorcing spouses are more cooperative, forward thinking and thoughtful about with their choices, and their post-divorce relationships are focused more on helping one another rebuild than tearing each other apart… And they reap the benefits. Any myths that a home must be sold, or couples cannot make any decisions until they’ve gone to court are false. Divorcing couples have numerous options about how to handle their home, including when and if the home is sold or refinanced. Creative short-term refinancing, selling or refinancing in the future with contingencies, preserving equity and co-ownership, and adjusting child support when one parent pays housing costs are just some of the options couples have to positively leverage their asset, avoid financial hardship or losses, and benefit their children. Mediation, in particular, gives couples the power to decide what is best for them practically and financially.  The same process of evaluation and decision-making also applies if couples have investment property.

The key to making the best decision depends entirely on how a couple approaches their divorce, the professionals they engage to help them, and the quality of the guidance they receive. All divorcing couples should understand every option available, the pros and cons of each one, and have time to evaluate before making a final decision. Prematurely applying for a mortgage, which typically includes a hard credit check, will lower credit scores and can limit a couple’s options potentially forcing a decision that may not be beneficial to either of them.

The post Stay or Sell: Divorce and Your Marital Home appeared first on RI Divorce Mediator | RI Divorce Mediation.

Once the holidays are over many people choose to start the divorce process. January is known as the busiest time of year for divorce professionals, but for couples, it can be the beginning of a long (and often expensive) journey to the next chapter of their lives. Having a healthy divorce may seem like an oxymoron, but they happen every day for a growing percentage of savvy soon-to-be exes who reject the notion that lawyers, and litigation are tools they need.  These couples see the bigger picture, and hefty retainers, increased conflict, and on-going court appearances are not part of it.

The thoughtful, sensible approach of today’s divorcing couples has changed dramatically over the last decade. People realize how damaging and expensive divorce can be, and they are placing more importance on protecting their emotional and financial health, and that of their children. The more educated you are the beginning, the better your process and recovery will be. Here are some things you can do to improve the health of your divorce.

Educate yourself

To be gently blunt, your divorce and the outcome are your responsibility. Understanding your financial picture and knowing the laws in your state are critical to your negotiations and the outcome. Advice from family and friends is nice, but there is no substitute for gathering expert information. Every State’s domestic relations laws are available online along with blogs, articles and websites of skilled and experienced professionals. Too many people approach their divorce without basic knowledge increasing their chances of making costly mistakes. 

Don’t give your emotions the keys to the Ferrari

Emotionally driven actions or decisions often come with regret. Many of the highly charged emotions that come out in a divorce are the result of long-standing resentment or frustration, but this is not the time to try and change the past. Avoid having discussions, negotiating or making decisions (or assumptions) when emotions are high. Stress relieving activities and or counseling can be a life (or divorce) saver.

Use mediation, rather than attorneys

Being heard, feeling validated and coming away with a fair settlement build the foundation of life after divorce. Couples want to be the ones making the decisions that will impact their lives and mediation provides that. Mediation also allows couples to explore all their options before making final decisions and, if they have children, create a healthy plan for co-parenting. Maintaining control, and creating their own settlements and parenting plans are all benefits that make up the 85% or greater success and satisfaction rate of mediation.

Seek constructive legal guidance

Unrealistic expectations combined with high emotions are the perfect storm for a difficult (and expensive) divorce. Legal advice is useful when it helps clarify the law and expose those unrealistic expectations, but advice that further divides a couple will not serve either spouse well in the end. Attorneys who are mediation-friendly are the best resources because they provide information that can be used in mediation to reach an agreement.

The post Four Steps to a Healthy Divorce appeared first on RI Divorce Mediator | RI Divorce Mediation.

Sharing child co-parenting time with your ex-spouse during the holidays can either be an enjoyable experience that simply requires a little extra effort, planning and cooperation, or a dreaded experience that leaves everyone involved frustrated, disappointed and bitter every year. We adults set the tone and our children take their cues from us. No one would ever want to admit they spoiled their children’s holiday joy because of old wounds, bitterness or anger over past events. But when these feelings interfere with our ability to make smooth child pick ups, drop offs and minor accommodations for each other’s new holiday plans and traditions with their respective families and friends, that’s what can happen and it’s up to the adults involved, including their extended families, to make sure that doesn’t happen!

The subject of parenting children after your divorce is a topic that will be discussed at length and detail in future videos, so check back every week or so, or like and follow us on Facebook to have our videos added to your news feed!

The post Divorce Vlog with Lori Grover – Children and Holidays – Week 4 appeared first on RI Divorce Mediator | RI Divorce Mediation.

Join us every week for our new divorce advice video series: The Divorce Vlog Weekly with Lori Grover.

We’ll be covering all aspects of divorce every week from planning and preparation, co-parenting and finances, managing relationships with in-laws, extended family and especially high conflict former spouses. “Like” us on Facebook and be notified when a new video is posted each week.

The post New Video Series: Divorce Vlog Weekly with Lori Grover appeared first on RI Divorce Mediator | RI Divorce Mediation.