Corridors bustling with attorneys, divorcing husbands and wives and crowded court rooms has always been the dreaded final step for amicable couples seeking an uncontested divorce. Appearing for a divorce hearing has also meant time off from work, lost wages, and additional stress. When the COVID-19 virus brought Rhode Island to a halt, our legal system and it’s hundreds of scheduled hearings were no exception. With calendars full, family court needed a solution and scrambled to keep cases moving to avoid a backlog that could delay divorces and other court business for months.

After two months of a stay at home order, Rhode Island now begins its slow reopening. Social distancing is here to stay – at least for a while – and that means notable changes for how the family court operates. The COVID-19 virus has forced this change because everything about our lives has changed. Those crowded corridors, courtrooms and conducting business as usual is not as safe as it used to be. And as we have learned to be creative and remain efficient in how we work, attend meetings, and conduct business, family court has had to meet this challenge as well.

Divorce By Video Conference?

Having overcome a number of logistical problems and legal hurdles, uncontested divorce hearings are now conducted using video conferencing, an unprecedented shift in the way the family court system here in Rhode Island has worked for decades. At such an early stage in this novel approach, it is difficult to speculate whether this will permanently change the way the court conducts divorce proceedings once the pandemic is over, but perhaps it should. While video conferencing helps prevent the spread of the disease, it also streamlines uncontested divorces and eliminates crowded court rooms, and the changes the court has been forced to make demonstrates that we can improve and modernize parts of our legal system.

This may be new and unfamiliar in Rhode Island, but in other states (California, Hawaii, Indiana, Kentucky, Nevada, New Mexico, North Dakota, Oregon, Pennsylvania, South Dakota, Utah and Washington State) couples do not attend divorce hearings unless their settlement includes a significant deviation from child support guidelines; or child access is being denied to either parent; or there is an unequal division of property or assets causing hardship to one spouse; or the mandatory paperwork was not filed in a timely manner. In other states (Colorado, Idaho, Indiana, New Jersey, New York, Vermont, Virginia, and Wyoming) actual divorce hearings only occur if certain factors exist that require procedural or judicial oversight.

Regardless of the ultimate effect of the COVID-19 virus on society at large, to its credit, Rhode Island’s family court system has changed its process for uncontested divorce hearings and proven that positive change is possible. And although we may still be lagging behind compared to the way more than two-thirds of American states handle uncontested divorce cases, I feel the court’s recent change should be a permanent step in modernizing our system away from stressful, in-person hearings for divorce proceedings in uncontested cases. If, when the COVID-19 virus threat is behind us, we revert to the old ways it will be a lost opportunity and signify denial of a long overdue and much needed change to the divorce process here in Rhode Island and elsewhere.

The post What The COVID-19 Virus Has Already Taught Us About Divorce appeared first on RI Divorce Mediator | RI Divorce Mediation.

Marital Homes are typically the most important asset couples must agree on when they divorce, and the decision is not always black and white.

There are two factors that influence the decision couples ultimately make about their home: their children, and whether either of them can afford the home on a single income. Hanging on to a marital home can be important if the couple has children close to graduation, and the decision may be easy if one or both spouses can afford the home. But, what about when affordability is in question? Can one spouse buy out the other? Should you sell?

Staying versus selling

Staying versus selling the home is a big decision and both have benefits and consequences. In the current real estate climate, where monthly rents are equal to or greater than median mortgage payments, selling a home can be more of a risk than staying. When considering selling and factoring in realtor commissions, moving costs and security deposits, and what each spouse may net in profit, selling may not be beneficial, or wise. There are also financial implications if the couple obtained down-payment assistance from HUD or borrowed it from family, and, if the home is sold prior to the five-year residency requirement for owner-occupied property, a capital gains tax can further complicate finances and taxes.

Since opening my practice 14 years ago both divorce and the decisions couples make, have changed. Divorcing spouses are more cooperative, forward thinking and thoughtful about with their choices, and their post-divorce relationships are focused more on helping one another rebuild than tearing each other apart… And they reap the benefits. Any myths that a home must be sold, or couples cannot make any decisions until they’ve gone to court are false. Divorcing couples have numerous options about how to handle their home, including when and if the home is sold or refinanced. Creative short-term refinancing, selling or refinancing in the future with contingencies, preserving equity and co-ownership, and adjusting child support when one parent pays housing costs are just some of the options couples have to positively leverage their asset, avoid financial hardship or losses, and benefit their children. Mediation, in particular, gives couples the power to decide what is best for them practically and financially.  The same process of evaluation and decision-making also applies if couples have investment property.

The key to making the best decision depends entirely on how a couple approaches their divorce, the professionals they engage to help them, and the quality of the guidance they receive. All divorcing couples should understand every option available, the pros and cons of each one, and have time to evaluate before making a final decision. Prematurely applying for a mortgage, which typically includes a hard credit check, will lower credit scores and can limit a couple’s options potentially forcing a decision that may not be beneficial to either of them.

The post Stay or Sell: Divorce and Your Marital Home appeared first on RI Divorce Mediator | RI Divorce Mediation.

Once the holidays are over many people choose to start the divorce process. January is known as the busiest time of year for divorce professionals, but for couples, it can be the beginning of a long (and often expensive) journey to the next chapter of their lives. Having a healthy divorce may seem like an oxymoron, but they happen every day for a growing percentage of savvy soon-to-be exes who reject the notion that lawyers, and litigation are tools they need.  These couples see the bigger picture, and hefty retainers, increased conflict, and on-going court appearances are not part of it.

The thoughtful, sensible approach of today’s divorcing couples has changed dramatically over the last decade. People realize how damaging and expensive divorce can be, and they are placing more importance on protecting their emotional and financial health, and that of their children. The more educated you are the beginning, the better your process and recovery will be. Here are some things you can do to improve the health of your divorce.

Educate yourself

To be gently blunt, your divorce and the outcome are your responsibility. Understanding your financial picture and knowing the laws in your state are critical to your negotiations and the outcome. Advice from family and friends is nice, but there is no substitute for gathering expert information. Every State’s domestic relations laws are available online along with blogs, articles and websites of skilled and experienced professionals. Too many people approach their divorce without basic knowledge increasing their chances of making costly mistakes. 

Don’t give your emotions the keys to the Ferrari

Emotionally driven actions or decisions often come with regret. Many of the highly charged emotions that come out in a divorce are the result of long-standing resentment or frustration, but this is not the time to try and change the past. Avoid having discussions, negotiating or making decisions (or assumptions) when emotions are high. Stress relieving activities and or counseling can be a life (or divorce) saver.

Use mediation, rather than attorneys

Being heard, feeling validated and coming away with a fair settlement build the foundation of life after divorce. Couples want to be the ones making the decisions that will impact their lives and mediation provides that. Mediation also allows couples to explore all their options before making final decisions and, if they have children, create a healthy plan for co-parenting. Maintaining control, and creating their own settlements and parenting plans are all benefits that make up the 85% or greater success and satisfaction rate of mediation.

Seek constructive legal guidance

Unrealistic expectations combined with high emotions are the perfect storm for a difficult (and expensive) divorce. Legal advice is useful when it helps clarify the law and expose those unrealistic expectations, but advice that further divides a couple will not serve either spouse well in the end. Attorneys who are mediation-friendly are the best resources because they provide information that can be used in mediation to reach an agreement.

The post Four Steps to a Healthy Divorce appeared first on RI Divorce Mediator | RI Divorce Mediation.

Choosing a divorce mediator, the person who will assist you through a difficult period in your life, is an important decision with far reaching and long lasting repercussions if you choose unwisely. Like your choice of doctor, therapist, accountant, lawyer or financial advisor, that person’s training, their professional experience, their “bed-side manner” and especially their personal philosophy that guides how they view their role and perform their service matters a great deal.

Buyer Beware!

Unfortunately, there are a number of “wolves in sheep’s clothing” we’ve seen lurking in the legal profession. These are attorneys that advertise also as “divorce mediators” who offer it to capture additional business that allow the negotiating process to fall apart and then quickly offer to represent only one party, leaving the other party feeling vulnerable and at a disadvantage right from the start. Others we’ve seen offer to represent one party when the mediation is finished which is a violation of the Canon of Ethics that govern the conduct of attorneys.

RI Divorce Mediation Center president Lori Grover, NCM will discuss this practice and how to avoid it in detail in this video. Check back with us periodically or like and follow us on Facebook to have our videos added to your news feed!

The post Divorce Vlog with Lori Grover – Choosing a Divorce Mediator – Week 5 appeared first on RI Divorce Mediator | RI Divorce Mediation.

Sharing child co-parenting time with your ex-spouse during the holidays can either be an enjoyable experience that simply requires a little extra effort, planning and cooperation, or a dreaded experience that leaves everyone involved frustrated, disappointed and bitter every year. We adults set the tone and our children take their cues from us. No one would ever want to admit they spoiled their children’s holiday joy because of old wounds, bitterness or anger over past events. But when these feelings interfere with our ability to make smooth child pick ups, drop offs and minor accommodations for each other’s new holiday plans and traditions with their respective families and friends, that’s what can happen and it’s up to the adults involved, including their extended families, to make sure that doesn’t happen!

The subject of parenting children after your divorce is a topic that will be discussed at length and detail in future videos, so check back every week or so, or like and follow us on Facebook to have our videos added to your news feed!

The post Divorce Vlog with Lori Grover – Children and Holidays – Week 4 appeared first on RI Divorce Mediator | RI Divorce Mediation.

In this video divorce mediator Lori Grover discusses how to protect your credit rating and avoid the common mistakes couples often make when refinancing mortgages or managing personal and joint credit accounts when preparing to divorce. The subject of dividing assets and marital debt will be discussed in much greater detail in future videos, so check back every week or follow us on Facebook to have our videos added to your news feed!

The post Divorce Vlog with Lori Grover – Protecting Your Credit Rating – Week 3 appeared first on RI Divorce Mediator | RI Divorce Mediation.